On my previous post  I told you  its very easy for God to take things from  us .. I had nothing  , house , cars , company .. nothing ..  What was left with me in the beginning  just Big Shocked , all disappointed ,. pain , sadness , depression and all things just come together .. But on the time for few months .. I keep thinking , asking my self , self introspection then ya  I start to realize , to understand the point ..

So , no more tears ..Time for me to wake up …  it’s only come closer to God .. facing all with more brave  .. with Huge Debt , feebleness  , scornfull as daily menus ..and have nothing left is totally not easy .. and I felt alone  ..  Friends were disappeared .. I started to  encourage  my heart , come to my parent for seeking blessing from them and continue to fight ..  YESS .. to fight to continue life ..giving normal life and good education for my only son ..And It’s not easy at all .. starting again the same business with minus capital was horrible .. business should be okay , but the HUGE debt also gave different problem ..

Bank  ? They are not your friend .. Bank is welcoming you nicely when  you had money .. not when you down there … I tried several times to get loans from bank , all were rejected .. In my mind is if I can get loan at least I can pay back SOME DEBT and has some fund to fight again .. Still I thanks full to All with this condition my business still running ..but all big pressure  , Masya Allah … give me strength God ..

Without coming closer to Allah , I’m sure I will not strong at all to continue life .. In this case , I do understand the feeling when I read news paper few months ago one of the young business man in Jakarta come to suicide ..I know the feeling .. when you had  very big problem , and you totally felt no way out at all .. this is very thin gap between desperate and hope .. maybe they think better to stop their live to end the problem .. so Satan win on this case …because it was  definitely not right  ended solution..

I come closer to Allah , seeking apologize to All I had done in the past , giving apologize to everyone which is send me to this situation , I always Asking Allah to put me always able to be on ABOVE HAND to able to give not to be  Below Hand to asking / Receive .. This really give me good feeling , keep sharing to the other whatever worst my condition .. I feel RICH in mind  and heart …

Then I keep continue to life .. indeed last 2 years when all were gone from  I wish to complete , I want to have special place for the children to learn more deeply about the religious , I paid one simple house for rent , I had already one teacher  , around 25 children that time .. but my financial come worst .. I can not afford at all to continue my aim .. for paying living cost for this children etc … I can not afford at all .. That time I thought .. oh GOD , you not even give me a chance to do a good thing  .. but now after 2 years  I know , I’m not ready yet to do that .. So that still my aim to do some day .. First is to cover all DEBT  and live normally .. then I will continue to fight to fix my home work  for these children , as well for my own house   … Pray for Me …..

Keep struggle , keep spirit , keep smiling ..




wishes: http://www.real-wishes.com



Nowadays .. world become so small .. with high technology , with communication system .. all being so open , fast ..

by social networking system everything can be found so easily .. as the other , I can find  old friend easily ( from basic school till university ) , even from the same village .. but having happy and cheer full discussion is so easy .. got them and discussed what we passed together on childhood always nice ..

Till one day , when I felt  in depression for some problem .. I tried to be open to one of my old friend .. I thought  it can make less on my heavy thought  … But  that was definitely negative … because once I just come through BBM  group discussion .. She just talk easily on the group .. My God .. I’m very seldom in trusting telling my problem , she just make free publication on nice topic discussion … What you feel when you know on your on eyes that your problem become hot topic on your friend discussion ..

An Anger ? Of Course .. Suddenly I quit for this group .. and exactly at the same time I leave the conversation  , shut down my Blackberry  then I took holy water and pray .. My mother always said , when the anger come to you , just stop whatever the activities you doing , take a holy water and pray .. you better tell everything from your heart to God .. so it will reduce your anger , it will send you the positive atmosphere  so you can think clearly .. And yes , after 2 rakat sunnah   pray , I spill my guts about everything to God , I don’t know that time all faces of all friends was on that discussion all come clearly in my mind .. though I never meet them for more than 10 years .. they all are  old friend on school .. But true , after pray and tell all to Allah I feel much much better .. no hard feeling at all ..

What  I’m going to say .. if sometimes you feel so sad , sometimes you feel you even can not come out from the situation .. just come to your God ..maybe when you feeling good you can make topic on light discussion  , on positive atmosphere .. than maybe you will find solution on that .. minimum  you can reduce your heavy load on your mind ..   At least that all my opinion .. you also free  to have yours ..


Keep struggle , keep spirit and keep smiling …




Life is misery .. I do believe that . very unpredictable ..though if  we aware surely we can feel  for what will going on . Confuse ?  maybe .. let me make it clear  with my  case ..

On my first posting , on miserable of life … yes all come so easy .. all come as I want .. all come as I expect .. as well on business expectation .. all just flowing nicely as water flow .. After  6 years my business running  ..I started to feel some bothered , started on cash flow , business also going down .. not only for my company but similarly on the same field of business went down ..

One day after arriving from my business trip , just arrive home not even resting yet , phone ringing  ..it came from one  of the government institution ,  asking me to represent for promoting the city  , and it will be held in Middle East. Wow , just come in mind , door is open for me to come to home of Allah , in Mekkah ( Mecca ) wow … I did not say anything , just tears come out … I know , during one week work there  , I have a chance to come to Mecca easily .. After finished the phone , I called my mother directly , informed her that I will going to Middle East and have a chance to come to Mekkah .. As my prediction , my mother did not say any words , just I know she cried .. Going to Mekkah , praying there is a dream for  every Moslem in the world .  And the chance come to me , Allah choose me to come closer .. Alhamdulillah , Subhanallah …. ( Thanks God , Praise be to Allah .. ).

One week after returned from Middle East .. big disaster come ..big earthquake destroyed the city ..thousands people died , thousands houses and building destroyed .. Surely its affected most  to all business here .. I got so many cancellation of some great project which is I’m sure that time , those many project in hand will covered all financial problem I had .. but all gone by those disaster .. Then I know , God want me to come to God’s place  just to make me stronger .. Indeed I feel more  calm to accept this bad condition .. and yes this take long suffered  for my life .. Until one day , my friend introduce me to his friend to invested some fund in my company .. I did not know , that time my other heart said no , it will give another problem .. just the situation make me has to take decision to save my company .. And yes , indeed that time I made a big mistakes on my decision . though business just running well , but ya .. definitely not .. my new partner just not as I expected person..

Till one day , when I feel can not stand anymore , I come home to see my parent , and I realize  other things.. both of them was so old , not in a good  health .. suddenly I felt so afraid , If I can not do something to them .. so I told them to bring them to do Umro with me , to Mecca … Again , they did not say anything , just Mom showing her tears .. I keep working to save money till we went there visit Allah’s home .  In Allah ‘s home .. I cried and cried .. cried of the chance gave to my parent and all things I told to Allah  on thought and prayers …

Life went by .. till then I come to big problem with my partner , ended on law process .. then I found I loose everything .. house , cars , company , though freedom for a while .. Tears just part of my life .. and I never told my parents about this .. they never know they daughter had a big disaster in life .. What you feel , when you had everything and God just take everything from you  suddenly ? For time being I feel so hopeless  .. this is what I said  then distance between hope and hopeless is very thin … After I got back my freedom  , then  I start a new company .. start not only from very beginning , but from minus .. had nothing , but a HUGE debt ..

Sometimes  I feel not fair .. But there was a time when I can really thinking what is really going on .. Nothing will be happened unless God Let it happened .. The case just the way .. I mean my business partner just the way for God taking all from me .. I keep thinking , flash back .. As I did not do bad on this case … just situation not on my side ..  Then I come to the conclusion  :

–          I’m not thanks enough to all blessing I got

–          I’ m not good to be wife .. got success in career , make me not giving respect to my  husband as I should do .. I can see easily all weakness on my husband .. Everything look a mistakes and all just like time bomb for me .. on other way my husband been the most patient people in the world for facing me ..

So After realizing this .. I feel better , feel much better ..  I know what the point .. God punish me in this world .. God want to wash me by putting me some heavy trouble  , even too much I think …  God want me to respect my husband as  a wife should be ..

So now  , still like a water flow just this time flowing into sadness .. I do enjoy every minutes of it .. left  by friend .. when you had your world on your hand , money , everything .. people , friend come around you .. when you had nothing .. its really nothing left ..as well as friends .. then you will know easily who is the real friend for you .. right  ?

I will write more on next post .. see ya ..

Keep struggle , keep spirit , keep smiling ….





This is a blog about my miserable life , my fight , my happiness  and my wishes .. by writing and posting this blog I want to share to all woman if sometimes you feel so hopeless , sad , powerless .. indeed   sometimes distance between hope and desperate is so thin .  But let them be , just passing all with brave Im sure  all has an end  , also problem , how big it is ..

Allright then come sometimes to my blog  …

All the best