On my previous post I told you its very easy for God to take things from us .. I had nothing , house , cars , company .. nothing .. What was left with me in the beginning just Big Shocked , all disappointed ,. pain , sadness , depression and all things just come together .. But on the time for few months .. I keep thinking , asking my self , self introspection then ya I start to realize , to understand the point ..
So , no more tears ..Time for me to wake up … it’s only come closer to God .. facing all with more brave .. with Huge Debt , feebleness , scornfull as daily menus ..and have nothing left is totally not easy .. and I felt alone .. Friends were disappeared .. I started to encourage my heart , come to my parent for seeking blessing from them and continue to fight .. YESS .. to fight to continue life ..giving normal life and good education for my only son ..And It’s not easy at all .. starting again the same business with minus capital was horrible .. business should be okay , but the HUGE debt also gave different problem ..
Bank ? They are not your friend .. Bank is welcoming you nicely when you had money .. not when you down there … I tried several times to get loans from bank , all were rejected .. In my mind is if I can get loan at least I can pay back SOME DEBT and has some fund to fight again .. Still I thanks full to All with this condition my business still running ..but all big pressure , Masya Allah … give me strength God ..
Without coming closer to Allah , I’m sure I will not strong at all to continue life .. In this case , I do understand the feeling when I read news paper few months ago one of the young business man in Jakarta come to suicide ..I know the feeling .. when you had very big problem , and you totally felt no way out at all .. this is very thin gap between desperate and hope .. maybe they think better to stop their live to end the problem .. so Satan win on this case …because it was definitely not right ended solution..
I come closer to Allah , seeking apologize to All I had done in the past , giving apologize to everyone which is send me to this situation , I always Asking Allah to put me always able to be on ABOVE HAND to able to give not to be Below Hand to asking / Receive .. This really give me good feeling , keep sharing to the other whatever worst my condition .. I feel RICH in mind and heart …
Then I keep continue to life .. indeed last 2 years when all were gone from I wish to complete , I want to have special place for the children to learn more deeply about the religious , I paid one simple house for rent , I had already one teacher , around 25 children that time .. but my financial come worst .. I can not afford at all to continue my aim .. for paying living cost for this children etc … I can not afford at all .. That time I thought .. oh GOD , you not even give me a chance to do a good thing .. but now after 2 years I know , I’m not ready yet to do that .. So that still my aim to do some day .. First is to cover all DEBT and live normally .. then I will continue to fight to fix my home work for these children , as well for my own house … Pray for Me …..
Keep struggle , keep spirit , keep smiling ..